Letter

*This was a letter I wrote to myself during a mission trip I was helping with last summer. It's just a good reminder of how far I've come and how different my life is now. It's always interesting to find things like this...



God can’t be described on this piece of paper using this simple pen. The corners of your mind can’t begin to contain the thought of God. He is everything we see and feel, touch, taste, experience. Whether you believe He is there, He is. He is in every shadow, every roll of thunder, every crash of the smallest wave, and every step you take. God is in every heartbeat, every hug, every breath of wind, and every kiss of rain.

I saw all these things, not for you, but for me. I can’t begin to be a testimony of God’s love and healing if I myself can’t even feel it. How will I ever be a beacon of light to you if mu bulb is flickering uncontrollably? How will I ever lead you to God if I can’t even find it in me to reach into the depth of my soul and grab a mustard seed of faith to share? I can’t begin to share my soul because it’s broken, and I can’t fix it by myself.

I need Him—I need God to bend down, scoop up the pieces of my fractured self, and I need Him to mend me into something new. Something completely clean, something completely new, and something that isn’t ashamed to shout my faith and God’s Gospel from the mountaintops.

I am rivaled by youth half my age. Their faith can move a mountain, and my faith couldn’t upset a feather. I don’t stand up for God, and He needs that. He needs an army on the front lines, but I’m in the background, waving my hands and jumping up and down—but I feel so small that He doesn’t even see me. And that’s my fault. All of it. I can’t see the forest for the trees, and that scares me. That really scares me… because I feel all alone. I am the forgotten, sitting in the raven, being washed away by the waves He created. I’m powerless to stop the tossing, turning, and tumbling that my body and heart is being put through. I can’t make it stop, and I can’t take it.

I want the waves that throw me to be God’s arms, sweeping me up, carrying me, and embracing me. I want to hear His heart beating, loud as thunder. I want t hear his voice, clear in my head. I want to feel His power, enormous as a mountain.

But I can’t… or I won’t.

I’m too controlling for my own good, and I can’t let go long enough to feel or hear any of those things. When you feel as alone and fragile as this, it’s hard to believe that anyone could repair the damage you’ve created to yourself and to those around you.

But God isn’t just anyone. And not everyone is me.

Don’t be like me, dear friend. Don’t let yourself become dark and dingy inside. Don’t let your light be as easily extinguished as mine. Don’t let the crashing waves sweep you so far away from your center that you forget how or refuse to get back to His everlasting, unconditional, unwavering, unfailing, unshaken, unbroken love for you.

Pray… a lot, so you never forget the possibilities that lie within you with His help.

Think and be silent.

Listen hard for what God is telling you to do. He whispers, so don’t try to overpower His voice. It’s not easy to hear, but don’t be discouraged. He knows what you’re waiting for, and if you wait… He speaks.

Always remember that God’s timing isn’t your timing, so be patient.

I can’t describe God using words and this pen. There are no words to express that even come within a mile of the amazing presence that is God.

The Value of a Thank You

Thank you is probably the least-used phrase in the American language, but it is one that holds the strongest value.

For those of us who work way too hard; for those of us who always try to do the right thing; for those of us who are frustrated with the lack of appreciation we receive... a simple "thank you" means the world. When it comes from the people we love, the people we serve, the people we work for, the people we help, and the people we know who appreciate it, these two words have the power to knock us over.

However, when it doesn't come from these people, even once in awhile, it can start to tear at the soul, break down the attitude, and burn down the morale. Motivation starts waning, and the negativity that builds up can render us immobile, in more ways than one.

A simple "thank you" is appreciated, especially when it comes from those to whom we look up and admire... from those that teach us, that administer us, that love us. And a "thank you" from these people means all the world.

Don't let yourself be unappreciated. Step up. Take notice of your hard work and the hard work of others. Don't be stepped on. Do your best, and never, ever settle for mediocre.

With Sweet Tea and Pecan Pie...

Happy Pi Day!

For those of you who don't get the humor, today is 3/14. Pi is 3.14. Anyway.

I didn't sleep well last night-- a total of 2 hours, maybe. However, my big success of the evening was watching my first episode of Cupcake Wars. That's was a total win.

I struggled to get through the day. I kept zoning out and losing track of what I was doing. I was doing well to keep myself busy to stay away throughout the day. A campus visit today helped me out there-- I always love when my students and their parents come to campus.

Strewn throughout the day were a couple rehearsals that kept me busy past 6pm, which is an hour and a half later than I am usually at work. Mondays are my long days, so being this tired on a Monday is never a good thing. I was in a fairly good mood, despite my sleepiness, but I did get a bit short at times. I hate that.

So after rehearsal, I was walking back to my apartment, desperately forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other without falling over. I walked into the apartment to find Jessica cooking dinner-- another win. After changing into my pajamas, I made it back downstairs to make my dinner plate: pork chops, homemade cheesy potatoes, green beans and warm rolls. Then Jessica asks if I had looked on the kitchen table.

As I turned my focus, there sat a fresh-from-the-oven pecan pie! For those who don't know me very well, pecan pie is my absolute favorite dessert. When I asked her what the pie was for, she said, "It's in honor of you!" I have the best roommate ever.

That was my blessing for the day: pecan pie. It really is the small things in life.

Satan is a loser

Satan is a loser; the Bible says so.

My heart is heavy tonight for some members of a church that I visit often. Their youth group and families have been attacked by Satan, and they have been through so much in such a short amount of time. Littered between these attacks are glimpses of salvation, as few have accepted Christ. God's army is gaining strength and numbers, but Satan is definitely doing his best to crush the spirits and hearts of those affected by recent events.

Within the past three years, the church, its youth, and the overall ministry has been moving full steam ahead as warriors of Christ. They are growing in numbers, in spirit, in strength, and in belief. Satan is scared, and understandably so. Wouldn't you be if you were going against the Army of God?

But there is good news, and it is this: Although this battle has to be fought, it comes out in our favor! God has already claimed the victory, and Satan's attacks will prove useless against us. God and his army will always win, no matter the matter, no matter the enemy, no matter the time or place.

So although my heart is heavy for recent events, I can thank God for the outcome of this battle. Satan is and will lose. Praise God.

"Ps 27:3-5 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock."

If you are reading this, take five minutes out of your day to say a prayer to thank the Almighty for all He has done, is doing, and will do for the community of people that I have come to call a second family. Pray for a hedge of protection around the leaders, youth, and family of their church and for Satan's to realize that he will not win and that his efforts are fruitless. Pray for understanding for this community to truly see what is happening in and around them and for strength to stand strong in this war.


"1 Cor 15:57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Simple Pleasures

You never know just how you miss a long shower until you aren't able to have one anymore.

My old apartment was just that... old. There were weird creaks, moans, and groans. The plumbing was terrible, and there were just weird idiosyncrasies. One of those weird little nuances was that I had no more than 7 minutes worth of hot water. Do you know how hard it is shower, wash and condition your hair, and feel clean after only 7 minutes?

I just moved back on campus with a friend of mine who is the Director of Residence Life/Resident Director. She was grateful enough to let me live with her. With this change of residence comes more hot water. Praise the Lord.

I just took a 45 minute shower, and I had hot water the entire time.

It's the simple things.